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Rock Street, San Francisco

Woke up like any other day, not knowing that it was going to be the worst day of my life. As soon as I cracked my eyes, my hand went to my phone to check a variety of things including my Faceable, my text messages, and my instant messages. I was hoping to see a message from my boyfriend, Lucas. Three months prior to this day, my boyfriend’s best friend, Michael, had died in a motorcycle accident. As long as I had known the two of them, they did absolutely everything together and when Michael died, Lucas was completely lost.Today there was a tricycle memorial run to raise money for a scholarship at Waltham High School in his name. Lucas and I had gotten in a huge fight the night before, because I didn’t feel comfortable with him out on the bike at night. Not only did it bother me because the thought of a motorcycle scared me, but I also had crazy hormones going on because I was 10 weeks pregnant.

I had sent Lucas a long text message apologizing for the way I overreacted. I reminded him how much I loved him, and that I shouldn’t have taken it out on him because I knew today was going to be extremely hard.As I ad hoped, there was the sweetest text message back from him that he had sent right before he had gone out on the run. The text message had contained everything I had ever wanted to hear from him in regards to my pregnancy, our lives together, and how much he loved me. It brought tears of Joy to my eyes, and I couldn’t wait to see him later that night at the benefit that was scheduled. I responded to the text message and finally got out of bed. It was already way too hot for my pregnant self, and I was dreading getting ready. I had a busy, happy day ahead of me consisting of my friend’s baby shower and my goddaughter’s first birthday.

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After I got out of the shower, even though I really Just wanted to go back to bed, I quickly got dressed and waited for my friend to pick me up. She arrived around 11 a. M. And we went on our way to the baby shower. We arrived at the Porthole Yacht Club, where the baby shower was being held. I left my phone in the car because I knew Lucas was on the bike and it wasn’t working correctly. We spent about an hour and a half there, eating food, talking with friends, and watching my friend open all her wonderful gifts for her baby.

Around 1 p. M. We said our goodbyes and got back into the car to head to my goddaughter’s party. Again, Just as I had done that morning, I instantly checked my phone when we got into the car. There was no text from Lucas, even though I had hoped there was, but I figured he was still on the bike.

We were on 114 in Dancers when I realized I had a Faceable message from his friend Craig. It told me “Call my cell, ASAP. We have been trying to get in contact with you for 3 hours. ” My heart dropped instantly. Thousands of questions filled my mind, and I started having an anxiety attack.Hands shaking, breathing getting shallow, and heart racing, I picked up my phone and dialed that number.

As soon as I hit send, I was already wishing his day would start over and I wasn’t even sure why he wanted me to call him. Maybe he wanted to tell me to meet them in Salisbury, the location where the run was ending, and Lake’s phone was dead. By the sound of his voice when he answered Hospital as soon as I could, but didn’t give me any more information than that. The tears that started falling down my face were instantaneous.My friend, Jean, tried to calm me down as much as she could, offering me other scenarios that it could possibly be about.

I called my mother hysterically crying, asking her how to get to Beverly Hospital because I had no idea how to get there. She had thought I was calling about directions to the birthday party, and Jean had to take the phone from me to explain the call I had Just received. We raced to the hospital, and his friends, Craig and Faust, met us outside. They didn’t say one word to me, Just brought me into the biggest nightmare of my life.Every single person that was in the run was in the room surrounding the bed he was on.

As soon as I walked into that room, everyone started crying. His mother, Pam, Just got up from the chair she was in and hugged me. Here I am, hysterically crying; as this woman is bear hugging me, yet I till don’t even know what has happened. When I saw everyone crying, I knew something wasn’t right, and I bolted out of the room to get some air.

Jean came running after me, and suggested that I call my mother. As she was saying it, I saw my mother’s car pulling into the parking lot.I went to meet her at the RE entrance, and was still uncontrollably crying. The nurse shoved us into the “family grieving room,” because my crying was scaring the patients waiting to be seen. My mother asked the nurse if she could tell us what happened, but all she could say was that it was a terrible accident. Even though I was his girlfriend and carrying his child, I wasn’t considered family and she couldn’t release that information to us.

We left that room, and went back into the room where he was. Everyone left the room, except for Pam, when we entered.My mother went to take Lake’s hand, and Pam informed her that it was going to be very cold. Now during all of this, I’m still sitting here not knowing what is wrong and nothing is adding up in my head. When Pam said that, my mother asked what happened. Pam started to tell her the news that changed my life forever. “This morning around 10:50 a. M.

Luke lost control of the bike he was on, went across the highway into a patch of trees, and died instantly. ” My entire world came crashing down with that one simple sentence.I lost all strength and fell to the ground. The nurses came in because they knew I was pregnant, and helped me back into the chair. I looked at my mother and without even realizing it, I started punching everything and shouting at the top of my lungs “why me. ” I was punching her, the bed, his cold, lifeless body, and I couldn’t stop. The biggest fear in my life was happening and I didn’t even know what to do. Again, nurses came in and told me to calm down.

I had a baby inside of me that needed me to be strong and stress like this could cause a miscarriage.Honestly, I don’t remember much after that. I can’t remember leaving the hospital, planning his funeral and attending it, any of the holidays, nothing. It’s like a black hole from August 8, 2009 until the day my son was born on March 13, 2010. Four years later, I can look back and see how much this day has changed my life.

I went through the hardest thing I will probably ever have to go through in my life, and I made it out alive. In my eyes, I am one of the strongest people I know, which wasn’t a way I once looked at myself.

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