In this lesson, I face one of my greatest fears: talking about having kids.
We’ll look at some points to consider, such as the costs and the way it changes a person’s life. In addition, the idea of baby fever is also looked at.
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Having Children
I have to say, writing this lesson is kind of strange. I’ve known most of my life that I didn’t want kids. And now it’s like the universe, in the form of work, is putting my face into it.
‘You think about this!’ says the universe. ‘But I don’t wanna,’ I whine.The decision to have children is a big one that is not something to be made lightly. When a couple is discussing the idea of having children, they often look at two main factors: time and money.
Parenting takes a lot of time. Parenting is the process of taking care of a child until he or she is considered an adult. This typically means the minimum of going through pregnancy, birthing the child, and raising it for 18 years.
18 years! That’s a long time! Quick, do the math on how long ago 18 years was.I’ve been accused of being a bit obsessed with money, so I like to point out that raising a kid also takes a lot of money. If you had a kid within the last year, you can expect to spend over $241,000 on just basic costs. That doesn’t even include the big ticket stuff, like college. That’s a quarter of a million dollars on food, clothing, a car, and extras. I could buy a house with that! I could retire at a decent age!
Decision Making
We’ve talked about some of the issues that revolve around having a child – that they take forever to grow up and cost a lot.
The average amount of time a couple spends discussing these issues before deciding to have a child has been increasing as the demands of parenthood have also increased. This discussion time likely decreases with each subsequent child as parents now understand what it takes to raise a child.There is no direct or typical way in which anything is discussed; I mean, no couple argues exactly the same. One of the first parts of a discussion of most couples is whether they want kids or not. I can remember back to high school and there being one girl who expected to have eight children.
On the other hand, I have known for a long time that I don’t want any children. Obviously, when the decision making process comes up, we would have radically different starting places. Other issues also need to be discussed, like:
- Can a couple afford the children they want?
- Where will it be raised?
- Will someone, man or woman, stop working to take care of it and for how long?
- How will the family unit survive on one income?
- What does each parent expect after the birth of the child?
The pitfall of not having this conversation is that it leads to relationship stress. It can be mighty upsetting to find out after the child is born that the other parent, man or woman, didn’t actually want it.
Life Before and After Kids
Another issue that might be discussed is how much life will change after having kids.
Let’s take a look at some common things that you or I do and how they change after having kids.Shopping or a quick trip to the store before kids is easy: hop in the car, go to the store, pick up what you need, and meet your friends for some frozen yogurt. After kids it’s: getting the kids cleaned and dressed, making sure they’ve used the bathroom, getting them into the car, getting them out of the car, keeping an eye on them in the store, getting things you need and hiding the things your kids broke, getting them back into the car, and getting them home. Needless to say, it’s a production.
Another example is you get home from a long day at work, eat some dinner, and go to bed. This is simple enough on your own. But with kids, on your way home from work, you have to pick up the kids, get them home, make everyone dinner, make sure they do their homework, get them clean, put the kids to bed, clean up everything, and then go to bed yourself. I think you’re catching onto the theme here: with children, everything is more complicated and has more steps because you have to care for another living being.
Biological Clock
For some people, the idea of their biological clock or the feeling of baby fever pushes them to want to have children even though they may not be ready or might not have fully thought things through.
First, we need to separate the ideas of biological clock and baby fever.The idea of the biological clock is an innate timetable for sleep-wake, hunger, and activity. The biological clock is just a metaphorical way of describing the internal processes that keep us moving through the day. It has been mixed up with something that is more aptly described as baby fever, which is a strong desire to have children.Baby fever is more strongly seen in women, but men can have it as well. It is linked to a strong desire to have and interact with babies and baby-related paraphernalia. Humans are social creatures, and there are mechanisms in the brain that are attracted to things that appear cute.
There are actually specific features that babies possess that are meant to draw people in and go ‘Aww.’The reason we can assume this is not an innate, biological clock issue is that the age it starts actually shifts. The typical age of childbearing has been pushed back again and again as women have increased their education and wanted to establish careers. If it was an innate desire instead of a social one, then it would happen at a childbearing age instead of when everyone else seems to be having babies.
Lesson Summary
Parenting is the process of taking care of a child until he or she is considered an adult.
The cost of having a child in terms of money is almost a quarter of a million dollars, and in terms of time, it means everything you do suddenly becomes more complicated. Discussions on whether to have one can also be changed by baby fever, which is a strong desire to have children. Baby fever is often erroneously linked to one’s biological clock, which is an innate timetable for sleep and wake, hunger, and activity.
Learning Outcomes
After you’ve reviewed this video lesson, you will be able to:
- Define parenting
- Describe the general cost and time constraints that go along with parenting
- Identify some of the issues that should be discussed before deciding to have a child
- Differentiate between baby fever and one’s biological clock
