1. The first example in section 10.3 of letters for discussion sets a negative tone right away in the opening sentence. The letter accuses the applicant of a C’est Bon charge account of being a “discriminating customer” The overall tone of the letter is arrogant, picking apart Mr. Steele’s previous loan experiences in a manner that sounds like the writer is talking down to him. The final sentence of the body paragraph speaks and makes a decision for the recipient of the letter, even though the writer could not possibly know what Mr. Steele would think.
The letter abruptly ends with a command type sentence, asking him to re-apply in six months. This leaves a disjoint feeling of rejection mixed with insincerity.2. This letter opens by referring to the customer they do not know personally by their first name. This sets an unprofessional tone at the start of a letter from the company.
The next sentence starts with “No” and follows up with “at least not right now” indicating a strong negative response that is quickly revised by an ambiguous remark. the wording is less than professional and leads to mild confusion as the negative message is not clear. The letter goes on to state “get your financial house in order and try again” this sentence is demanding, and straight to the point, but does not leave the choice up to the recipient of this message.
The tone is cold. While the next part of the letter offers a positive alternative, it again tells the reader what to do instead of what they could do, taking the choice away from the recipient. The end of the body paragraph insinuates that the applicant does not know self-discipline and is cold and preachy. compared to the warm closing.3. The third example is very well worded compared to 1 and 2. They eloquently explain why Mr.
Steele is not being accepted, and give him advice on what requirements he would need to have to be accepted. The tone is professional and acceptable. The second paragraph offers an alternative and explains how it works if the reader is interested in that option.
Finally, the last paragraph avoids repeating negative information and instead offers seminars which build a welcoming opportunity to stay connected with the business.